People in transit turn sub-human at the best of times; but throw in the added bonus of sleep deprivation and flight-delays and we’ve got ourselves some weirdos folks! The following list of weirdest things I’ve seen in airports proves that some people may not be killing it in the intelligence stakes.

Weirdest Things People Do In Airports

1 -Taking porn through security…

You’d think perhaps people would check their penthouse magazine in with their luggage or take the batteries out of their vibrator when placing it in their carry-on, but unfortunately that would be all too easy. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve witnessed people’s face go white upon realising their bag has been flagged by the X-Ray peeps for additional security-checks – you know, the ones where the dudes actually go through the bags in front of everyone else! This rarely ends well, but the entertainment value is high.

2 – Using porn to smuggle drugs through security…

Okay, so this is kind of an extension of the above – insomuch as it’s taking the use of porn from humorous to downright idiotic! According to customs officials I’ve spoken to, a select few drug runners still like to play the good old “porn-gamble game”. Hopefuls load up their carry-on with an assortment of porn magazines, condoms and other types of taboo paraphernalia, and shove the drugs down the bottom of their bags and out of view in the hopes that if it is searched, security will be too embarrassed to rummage through it. Maybe this used to work in the seventies people, but I’m fairly certain this is now the oldest trick in the book!

3 – People acting weird around X-Ray Machines in general…

You’d think that after ten strong years of airport security hyper-vigilance it would be second nature for travellers to get their laptop out of its case or take their boots off before the metal detector beeps buuuut no(!) there are still some strange specimens who act totally shocked by the “unexpected” revelation they need to throw their water bottle in the bin before the checkpoint. Or what’s more, continue to complain about it for hours later. If I have to hear someone tell me what a crock having to throw out their full water bottle before the x-ray machine is, I think I’ll scream! I get it, I do – it’s a big load of BS! But it’s the rules people. It’s the rules…it’s all part-and-parcel with air travel.

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4 – Hogging the baggage carousel…

People who hog the baggage carousel are like the goalies of an airport, except nobody wants them on their team. Carousel etiquette implores you to stand at least a metre back, with one eye on the belt while the other ensures you move to allow others to grab their bags when and if they need. Meanwhile, the carousel hogs have complete and utter disregard for their surroundings, weaseling their way through wheelchairs, old people and those who’ve already claimed a position. They will stand so close to the belt it’ll look like they’re making love to it, and they won’t move until they’ve got their bags – even if it’s the last one and their obstructing others.

5 – Retail Stalking

Sometimes it’s actually the airport employees who are the culprits of weird behaviour. I feel it is an unwritten code among duty-free assistants that they must stalk every traveller wandering around duty-free – even if all they’re after is a cheap bottle of Smirnoff! Nobody wants to feel like a gazelle about to be taken down by a lion – especially if they’re about to be up-sold to a thousand dollar face cream.

6 – Halting on the Travelator

These people, I can’t… I just can’t. At what point is standing still on a conveyor belt designed to go 2km’s an hour appealing? The main aim of this thing is to aid the poor schleps running late for boarding to get there marginally quicker than they would power-walking on the shiny airport floor. The main aim of a travelator is walking – movement – not stopping for a rest to take in the toilet line.

AMW xx

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