10 Types of Airport Travelers

The Airport Weirdo

The airport weirdo is that guy you spotted muttering to himself at check-in. He was that dude blatantly staring at you in the airport newsagency line. He may have even been the weirdo chucking his best Gary Busci at Customs. Whoever he was and wherever you spotted him doesn’t really matter. What matters is that because you’ve laid eyes on the airport weirdo it’s almost guaranteed he’ll be lining up at your gate, boarding your flight and probably sitting right next to you. You can’t escape the airport weirdo. So take my advice and pack the biggest, roundest most “eff off and don’t talk to me” earphones you’ve got!

The Traveler Who Has Obviously Never Set Foot In An Airport Before…

Either that, or they are terminally retarded. Whether it’s separating a laptop from its bag or filling in documents for officials, these people don’t quite “get” what is going on around them and so everything takes about twice as long.  And you’re the one stuck right behind them in the airport security line.

The Hungover Traveler

Unfortunately it’s not difficult to detect a hungover traveler. They are basically the ones who stink up the elevators with stale beer.

The Drunk Traveler

The drunk traveler obviously got so excited about their holiday that they decided to start early. Never mind that it’s 6am. Never mind that they’re slurring words to the air-hostess upon boarding. Never mind that it’s 12 hours until your destination. All you can think is “this is gonna be a looooong flight”. Oh goodie.

The Outlet Controller

Much like the fat controller, this traveler hogs all electrical outlets within a 50 meter radius of the boarding gate. Did you want to charge your iPhone? Well sorry, that’s too bad because the outlet controller got here first and she’s charging every single one of her electrical gadgets, including something that resembles a vibrator. Never mind not-sharing the outlets; what ever happened to shame?

The Pyjama Party Traveler

Why get changed when you can just hop from one bed on the ground to another in the sky? Urgh. There’s something slightly nauseating about people who travel in Ugg boots and pyjama pants. I get that comfort is key when you’re flying long distance, but these people have taken the art of sleeping on planes to a whole new level!

The Traveler With Excess Baggage

Someone took the old “Take me with you! I’ll fit inside your carry-on!” joke a little too seriously.

Business Phone-Talker Traveler

Brace yourself minions, for you are about to be accosted with the high-powered details of the Wilson account. Key words to listen out for are “touching-base” and “I’ll have my assistant call your assistant”.

 The VIP Traveler

While actual VIP’s like to keep a low-pro during transit, the VIP traveler feels it is their duty to rub our nose in the fact they are traveling Business or First. Facebook Status Lounge Update? Check. Large, blow-fly-like sunglasses covering their entire face? Check. Louis Vuitton Carry-All? Check.

The ‘Woe-Is-Me’ Traveler

The woe-is-me traveler can’t seem to go one second without complaining. To be fair, airports are like cattle calls that strip away dignity from our very souls, but Ms woe-is-me is whining as soon as she has to pick up her 1000kg bag and place it on the conveyor belt. You will find this person putting shoes back on looking like they have just survived the apocalypse.