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There are a lot of places that are absolutely perfect for romantic getaways. But what if things aren’t going so swimmingly on the relationship front? What if the last thing you want to do is contribute to Hallmark’s world domination by purchasing a cutesy little love-heart card? Well, dear readers, I promised you the world and I’ve delivered. Without further ado, here is a list of the most unromantic destinations in the world for those singletons that really couldn’t be bothered with Valentine’s Day. Repeat after me, your mantra: “Valentine’s Day, what Valentine’s Day? Give me stinky Rotorua or hedonistic Vegas any day…”
Anti-Valentines Day: The Least Romantic Destinations in the World
Is there anything more romantic than spending a night in the open country, floundering in panicked terror while being ruthlessly hunted down and shot at by border guards? That’s the experience on offer at Parque Eco Alberto, a theme park which promises to give a proper taste of what it’s like for Mexican immigrants illegally trying to enter the United States. The guards are actors, and the shots are blanks, but it’s about as far away as you can possibly get from canoodling in a private beach bungalow with heart-shaped pillows.
Rotorua, New Zealand
It would be easy to think that Rotorua, with its idyllic countryside and award-winning spas, was the backdrop for extreme romance. Except for one enormously significant issue: it smells. Like I mean really, really smells. Rotorua just happens to be situated on a massive thermal hotspot, thus ensuring geysers keep popping up and omitting the kind of gut-wrenching egg-stench that’ll send you sprinting from that nice romantic dinner for two.
The River Danube, Austria (featured image)
There’s nothing unromantic about the Blue Danube, in fact it’s the perfect setting for that quintessential lovey-dovey cruise. Sleeping in a drainpipe however, is an entirely different story, as is the offering at the Das Park Hotel. The uncomfortable cement-littered accommodation is literally a series of drainpipes that can be hired out for the evening. Very sexy.
Las Vegas, USA
This list wouldn’t be worth it’s chops without adding Sin City into the mix. Vegas celebrates living life in the fast lane, and being single is almost a pre-requisite! Gambling, over-the-top shows, getting married in an Elvis suit only annul it the next morning when you’ve sobered up – is the name of the game here.
This town in western Russia has banned Valentine’s Day shenanigans in schools and government offices, claiming that it promotes promiscuity rather than true love. “It’s designed to swell the emotions, and you know what kind of teenage liaison happens then” said Grigory Bolotnov, a spokesman for the governor of Belgorod. Ain’t love band?
Linfen City, China
Fancy wearing a gas-mask while you sightsee? Tourists are faced with this fact (pardon the pun) on a daily basis in one of the world’s most polluted cities. So polluted in fact, that the rivers, chock-full of rubbish, almost look radioactive with their fluoro green tinge. Linfen is at the heart of China’s coal-producing Shanxi Province. The city is dotted with an obnoxious amount of power stations and iron foundries and is generally agreed to have the worst air quality in the world. Why would I come here, you ask? The ancient city has plenty of history and acts as a stopping-off point for nearby waterfalls and temples. So basically, you have no choice.
They don’t call it the Spring Break capital of the world for nothing. Hoards of American college students descend on this fabled resort town located on the tip of the Yucatan Peninsula in search of cheap margaritas and cheap luurve. The kind of love that only lasts one night is hardly the setting for a Mills and Boon type romance.
Featured image via iscreamsundae.com